I am 62 and have been married and divorced 4 times. Poor track record, I know. First time was when we were both 19; simply too young, but had a wonderful son; divorced after 31 years.
Next I thought I’d found a good partner and step dad. We had a son but divorced after 10 years. I was single for a while and put much of my effort into building my career. I met a guy through a friend, and we got married in a few months; it only lasted 31 years.
I swore I’d never get married again and went back to court to legally resume my maiden name. I was quite happy being single but met someone who kept pursuing me and then swept me off my feet. He was older, which was different for me, and seemed stable in many ways.
However, I learned that he was still in love with his high school girlfriend and I was very heartbroken. We divorced after 10 years. Several years have passed, and I’m now absolutely sure I’ll never marry again, and I’m happier now than I’ve ever been.
Happiness is something within ourselves. It had never been caused by or created by any ex, but there were good times with all of them… until there weren’t. I enjoy dating now, which is different than in the past. It’s mostly from apps, and they are younger (as much as 40 years younger, as close as a few years younger), energetic, happy, nice, good looking, smart, independent, educated, mature, fun, and have similar values, but not possessive or clingy.
I’m averse to feeling trapped, and my last husband told me, “I don’t think there’s enough rope in the world to hold you.” The idea of being “held” scared the hell out of me, but it didn’t stop me from giving it a try.
I’m having more fun in this stage of my life than I’ve probably ever had. Who would have guessed that would happen in my 60s?! I own my own house, car, and other material things I want. I have adult sons who are happily married and have my sweet granddaughters. I help with a cat rescue. I help care for my elderly mother.
My health is better than it has been in decades. I’ve continued my education, have an MBA, and maintain multiple certifications. I have a huge variety of diverse friends that I hang with when I can. I’ve got a career that provides me with fulfillment and earnings to make my life happy. I’ve saved for and planned my retirement.
I go to concerts, go on trips, meet up with friends in other countries, laugh loudly at social media posts that I find funny, enjoy all types of music, dance around the house, wear dumpy clothes when I want or dress up girly when I want, shop at thrift stores for the thrill/bargains/thrill/bargains/upcycling, and do pretty much whatever I feel like doing as long as time and money allow.
When I was married, there was always the other person that I felt I had to accommodate and help make happy. It often seemed I had to walk on eggshells to keep peace. A good friend pointed out that I’m just not compatible with married life, or at least with the choices I’d made. I guess he was right. I’ve accepted that now.
But, if I should find a man that checks the boxes and we keep our own places, or we might stay together most of the time but we don’t sign that “marriage” paper, that could possibly be a good thing. But, it will never become a need. Relationships of different types are absolutely essential to me, and I’ve already found the keys to my personal happiness, and it’s not marriage.
I’m a thankful slow learner who finally feels I’ve got it right for me. I’m loving my single, happy life.
But… I know many people who are happily married. I think they made good choices from the start and kept a commitment to make it work. I also know many married couples who have lost that fire and are miserable. My personal commitment is to never be in either of those groups. I judge no one else and their choices, and I applaud everyone who is happy, whether married or not.
Do what works for you and the world will be a better place for everyone.
