Kubengwa kubakobwa akenshi biterwa n’amakosa 5 nyamukuru akorwa n’abakobwa mu gihe cyo gukundana no kurambagizwa nabo ubwabo ntibabimenye ko bayakoze.
Ushobora kwibaza impamvu umukobwa ashobora kuba afite uburanga, amafaranga, imyitwarire myiza ndetse n’ibindi bitandukanye, ariko yakundana n’umusore ntibamarane kabiri ukabona uwo bakundanye bamaranye igihe kinini ntahitemo kumugira umugore.
Ibi rero ngo nta kindi kibitera bituruka kuri amwe mu makosa akorwa muri urwo rugendo rw’urukundo bikaba byanaviramo umukobwa kugumirwa by’igihe kinini bishobora no kumuviramo guhera ku ishyiga.
Amwe muri ayo makosa ni aya akurikira:
1.Kwibwira ko hari ibyangombwa byo gukundwa utujuje
Ibi bituma abakobwa benshi batiyakira, hagira n’umusore ugukundira ikintu runaka yakubonyeho kikamushimisha, atitaye ku bindi bibi wiyiziho, ukumva ko ko akubeshya. Ugahora ushidikanya, umushyiraho igitutu, ukeka ko yaba ajya ahandi hatari iyo nenge ufite.
Ibi bituma abasore barambirwa bakigendera kandi kandi burya abasore benshi ngo baba bazi neza ko umugore atari imisaya myiza gusa, ahubwo ari imico ye.
2. Kumva ko ushaka umusore ufite uburanga bw’akataraboneka (bamwe babyita kwiyemera kw’inkumi)
Abakobwa usanga bifuza gukundwa n’abasore beza, kugira ngo nibabereka bagenzi babo “bemere” nyamara ntibita ku mico yabo basore bita “bogari” (beau gar).
Usanga umukobwa akundana n’umusore mwiza, aba basore nabo akenshi biruka mu bakobwa benshi bibagora gufata ibyemezo kandi ugasanga imico yabo atari na myiza.
Nyamara ugasanga nyamwari yamwiziritseho kabone nubwo azi ko uwo muhungu ari rubebe, aha rero iyo haje undi musore usanzwe aje gutereta uyu mukobwa, usanga yigize ‘ashwi’ ngo afite ‘bogari’ bityo bituma umukobwa bikazarangira abuze ‘bogari’ abuze na ba bandi basanzwe bamuryanira inzara.
3. Kumva ko umusore agomba kukuba hafi igihe cyose
Akubonamo nk’utagira icyo yitaho cyateza imbere urugo rwanyu, kuko aba yibaza niba mubanye wazajya umuha akanya ko gutekereza, kuganira n’abandi no kwishimira ibyo akunda.
Iyo ubikoze gutya yumvako ushaka kumugira imfungwa, bene iyi myitwarire ishobora gutuma umusore agucikaho atakubwiye n’impamvu akajya kwishakira uzamureka agahumeka kandi akamufata nk’umutu uri muri sosiyete.
Ubucuti bwiza ni ubutanga umutekano, kwisanzura gukora akazi neza, kuganira n’incuti kwishimira ibyo ukunda ubundi hagafatwa igihe cyo kubisangira muri kumwe urukundo rukarushaho kuryoha no gukura.
4. Kwishimira abandi basore kurusha uwo muri kumwe mu rukundo
Iki ngo ni ikintu usanga abakobwa benshi badaha agaciro ariko rwose ngo gishobora kuba intandaro yo kwangwa n’abasore batari bake, bikazatuma ugumirwa kuko ngo mugihe ubona abasore bose ukumva ntakibazo kuko ari incuti z’incuti yawe, kuko muturanye, mwigana se ndetse n’ibindi hanyuma ukabasakuma ukabisanzuraho birengeje urugero ukababwira utugambo dusize umunyu, menyako bidashimisha abasore namba
Biba bibaha ishusho y’umugore uzaba we ko ushobora kuzamuca inyuma n’ibindi, nukora ibi bibabaza umusore rwose akaba yumva adashobora kukugira umugore kuko yazagusangira na benshi aha rero ngo bisaba kwitwararika bose ukababona nk’abasanzwe.
5. Kwihagararaho mu makosa
Aha ngo usanga hari abakobwa benshi baba bafite incuti zabo nkuko gukora ikosa ari ibisanzwe byabaho yaba, yakoze ikintu umusore ntakishimire ugasanga aho gusaba imbabazi mu magaguru mashya ahubwo yihagazeho akumvako atari ikosa akiterera mubirere.
Iki ngo ni ikintu gikomeye umuhungu w’incuti areberaho niba uzamucira bugufi murugo nacyane ko abagabo bababifuza abagore bifitemo guca bugufi no gusaba imbabazi, rero nubona umusore agusezereye akisangira undi ni uko iyondangagaciro yo gucabugufi ngo usabire ikosa imbabazi wiyoroheje iba yabuze.
Niba rero uri umukobwa wifuza kuzashyirwa mu rugo ugakora umuryango ariko ukaba hari amakosa amwe muyavuzwe ujya ukora mu rukundo ubwo utangire kwikosora no kugira icyo uhindura naho ubundi ngo bitabaye ibyo ushobora kuzasazira iwanyu.
